Some people try and lock those thoughts away, or dwell on them to the brink of self destruction. Then there are the ones who embrace the darkness and grow from it, learn from it and let the darkness brink them to the light.
I am such a person, I choose to embrace the darkness and grow from the pain of my past experiences. It took a long time for me to do this, due to childhood abuse and abuse at the hands of my ex-husband; I walked in the darkness for a very long time.
My ah ha moment came about a year after my divorce. I was dating a wonderful man(my now husband), but I was not 100% committed to the relationship. I was always waiting on the darkness to come, so much so that I nearly drove him away. Then one day while talking to my aunt she said "Ash-Lynn if you don't let go of the past, you will always be the victim".
Hmm could she be right? I decided to test this theory of hers. So I sat down with my wonderful man and shared my past hurts with him, I explained, the reason I always looked like I was waiting to be punched in the face, was because I was. He was amazing. He held me and we talked for hours; then he did the most amazing thing, he held my face in his hands and said "I would die before I hurt you or let anyone else hurt you, I love you!"
That day I took my first step out of the darkness and started to heal. Don't get me wrong it's still there, that dark place in my mind; lurking, waiting to overwhelm me. I still visit the darkness from time to time, we all should. The trick is not to stay there, take a look around, reminisce, and when you have found what you were looking for in the darkness, let it bring you back to the light.
I wanted to share my story with you not for sympathy, but to show you that the darkness is not always bad, it's there to remind us of who we are, where we came from, and how far we have come in our lives. So, don't run or hide from the darkness, embrace it, learn from it and always remember with out the darkness we can't see the light.