January 14, 2014

This Tiger Earned Her Stripes.....and Then Some!!!

A few days ago, the wickedly awesome Magaly told us about her friend "Y," and the worthless pile of dung she just divorced. To sum up this part of the post, this asshat told "Y" " that no one is ever going to want her because, her butt is disfigured with stretch marks;" this was also an abusive relationship.

Magaly posed this to all of us...
So, my Wicked Luvs, would you care to share a bit of life-wisdom with Y? Let’s talk about marks… about dating after thirty… about (the courage!) and the freedom of leaving an abusive relationship… about reclaiming our selves… about life and living… and about the symbols such adventures brand on our skins and souls.
I could not do this with a simple reply, so I decided to pore it all out here in a post; here goes.

First let me say this is not easy, as I don't often share this part of my life, but I feel it may help not only "Y" but others as well.

Hi my name is Ash-Lynn and I have scares. I have scares on my face from a dog attack when I was 3, I have scares on my breast, belly, and butt from 3 beautiful daughter and, scars on my soul from being a battered wife for 5 years.

Lets start with the physical scars, I have had my facial scars for 37 year, they have never stopped me from having the time of my life. That leads me to the stretch marks, I love them; I can show you from top to bottom which daughter gave me which marks, and my hubby has never once said a word about them (because he's a real man).

Speaking of real men "Y's" ex is apparently not a real man and that I can relate to, because my ex was/is not a real man.

Let me sum him up, the asshat used me as a punching bag for 5 years, I have been punched, kicked, choked, and shot at. My middle daughter was born 7 1/2 weeks early do to one of his beatings that ruptured my water sack. He was also verbally abusive, I was told everything from I was a worthless piece of crap, nobody will ever want you because your fat, and calling me stupid, dumb, etc because I didn't finish high school (because of him,).

After my middle daughters birth I decided I had to get out before he killed me, and I did just that 4 months later. I got out and moved on.

It took a bit for me to get the courage to date, in fact I never really did. The man I now call my husband was in my life the whole time, he was a co-worker and friend of my ex(I know awkward), he was going through his divorce at the same time I was going through mine and we leaned on each other for support.

We became best friends and after a year that blossomed into romance, a year later we where married and 13 years later we are still going strong. He's amazing whether I'm fat or lose weight he still loves me never degrade me and is the best daddy to our daughters ( our 1 + my 2). Don't get me wrong like any man he has his faults, but he's not a controlling, abusive asshat; he's a man a real man.

"Y" I know your ex was/is an asshat, but forget him and his insults; in the words of Helen Ready,
You can do anything, you are strong, you're invincible, YOU ARE WOMAN!!! So what if you have stretch marks, you earned them wear them with pride, I know I do!!!



  1. It is difficult to expose ourselves. To let the world see those parts of us that have been hurt most. But when we do it like this, especially when they might help another, the marks of our hurt become badges of honor. Thanks for sharing this, Ash. I'm sending it to Y right now.

    1. I hope it helps her as much as it helped me to share. I hope Y knows that there is life after asshats like that.

  2. I know it dredges up pain to reveal scars, this is kind and loving of you to do so! We can either choose to be victims or survivers.
    You make my crusty old black heart smile with your kindness that has SURviVED! Blessings of continued Joy to you and yours!

    1. It did bring up a few things I had buried, but it also reminded me how lucky I am to be past that pain and have such a wonderful life and man to share it with now.

  3. I'm really glad you're away from that kind of situation, that you had the insight and courage to do it and that you were able to get away in one piece. We all have scars and we should be proud. Like a tattoo, they're our life story marked on our skin.