June 28, 2014

Channeling My (Wacky) Emotions Into Something Positive...

Ok so if you've been reading me a while you know the emotional strife I have in my life do to many of my family members; most recently my mother and her health.

Well all those emotions came to a head this week after one of our closest friends lost his mom to the same evil disease that has my mother in it's grips. Oddly enough she passed on the 21st the same day I made the post about my mom. Needless to say the funeral was more than difficult. Afterwords I went slightly crazy; I literally had every range of emotion possible, I have laughed, cried, screamed, went silent, and slept most of Thursday.


Luckily for me I have a wonderful husband who snapped me back to reality. He held me and we talked for hours; I told him about all the different emotions I'm having over my mom, the love, the hate, the knowing I'll never have closer over my childhood abuse. He just let me talk and get it all out, then he told me the most wonderful thing.....

Don't Let These Emotions Keep Eating At You, Channel Then Into Something Positive!

So that's my plan!!! I have had so much going on the past year that I have neglected my crafting & my witchcrafting, so I'm making a list of crafts and craft supplies. I am also working on ways to get back to being my happy kitchen witchy self, starting with fixing up my kitchen alter and to really get back in my kitchen and cook, bake, and making my homemade goodies(soaps, oils, brews).

have not changed it in months :(
I am really going to work hard to shake off this funk and get back to being me, so do me a favor if you see me getting back into that funk, kick my butt please and remind me who I am...

A well read Southern Belle  wife, mommy, friend, and Witch with(from time to time) a dark twist, oh and a Wicked since of humor.

Thanks again for reading my wackiness :-)

Ash-Lynn


June 21, 2014

Celebrating The Solstice With Mixed Emotions...

Blessed Litha; may the Sun shine down and fill you with love and warmth throughout the summer and beyond.


As I sit here writing this I am a mix of emotions; I'm excited or the solstice and I am definitely feeling the energy of Summer and all that it brings with it. It's an exciting time, my girls are out of school, the water of the gulf is warm, and I am changing and growing(spiritually) everyday.

So with all this excitement and energy why is my stomach in knots? Why do I cry at the drop of a dime? Because my world is turning upside down, I'm close to losing my mom. Why am I telling you this? I hope to prevent any child from suffering the way I am right now.

My mother has been in and out of the hospital 3 times in the past 2 months all in the ICU, the last visit on a Ventilator for 4 days. You see my mom has COPD and she has it from smoking for 40 years, the last 17 after she found out she was sick.

During this last visit we found out she is stage 4 or end stage, I know my time with her is short and I am angry about that, I'm angry at her for every picking up that first cigarette, I'm angry that after quitting for more than five years she picked up another one, I'm angry that she won't see my beautiful daughters or there cousins graduate from high school, I'm angry that she's only 57 years old and may not even make it to 58 next month.

I know this is wrong to say but as much as I love her, I hate her at the same time. No child or grandchild for that matter should ever have to watch as their parent struggles to breath, when it could have been prevented. Her smoking aside I have childhood issues(some of you know what I'm speaking of) that I can never resolve with her, because she can't have stress(it could kill her).

I want to hold her in my arms and tell her it's ok I love you, we're alright; but I can't, and that make me angry because I really need to be that person for her right now, and all I can think about is "Why, Why did you have to smoke, Why were you so selfish to put that poison in your body and take yourself away from us"

So what's a girls to do? Well this girl being the eldest child will do what she always does; she'll tuck away the anger and pain, she'll be there for her brothers who sadly aren't as strong as they think they are, she'll do what's expected of her, and then once she's alone, well I don't know what will happen then and I really don't want to think about it right now.

Now at this moment I do have a huge favor of you, If you smoke please STOP right now, I know it's a hard thing to do, but trust me nothing is harder than watching a parent die because they didn't quit. DON'T do that to you children or other loved ones, it's really not worth it.

I'm sorry this went so long, but I thank you for letting me get some of this out of my system, even if it was just for a little while.

Ash-Lynn

      

June 13, 2014

A Full Moon on Friday The 13th!!!!!

How much better does it get than that......

It took some begging and maybe I even wined a little but the Goddess finally peeked out from behind the clouds so my daughter and I could soak her in.


We enjoyed our time with her, then she had to go back behind her cloudy fortress. I hope all you have had a wonderful and magical Friday The 13th - Full Moon day/night. Whether you can see her or not tonight I know the Goddess is wrapping you all up in her loving glow.

Many Blessings

Ash-Lynn